BREAKING NEWS: Brett Favre has officially announced that he is coming out of retirement once again to play in the NFL again. *
The last time we saw Brett Favre in uniform was on December 5th, 2010 before he was forced to leave the game due to a devastating shoulder injury (was diagnosed as a slight strain after the game). The veteran had the presence of mind to throw an interception on what so many foolishly believed to be the last of his career to give back-up quarterback, Tarvaris Jackson, enough time to warm-up on the sidelines. This smart play let the Vikings oust the Buffalo Bills 38-14 en route to a memorable 6-10 season. However, it was a sad and serious day for the NFL when Brett Favre finally decided to retire at the end of the season. Or so we thought…
Since then, there has been little talk about Brett Favre around the NFL. It seems to many like he had disappeared of the edge of the earth. Distraught supporters questioned if the 46 year-old ‘gunslinger’ would ever return to the NFL, again, after such a horrific shoulder injury. To their belief, sources have just recently revealed that Brett has gone through intensive rehab and is 100% now. Scouts have said “He looks younger than ever and is still at the peak of his career”.Brett has been putting his body through an intense and unorthodox style of training for the last 5 off-seasons in his hometown of Mississippi. He has gone through grueling workouts that include fishing, hunting , wrangler commercials, and reminiscing over the glory days as a Packer, Jet, and Viking. He has been getting first team reps with his pick-up football team in his backyard.
There has been a lot of speculation about his motive to return to the league as he currently holds a number of records for the NFL. He currently has the following records: all-time winningest quarterback, most career pass yards, most career pass completions, and more most consecutive starts by a player. Many believe that Favre want to reclaim the record of most touchdown passes that was taken by Payton Manning. However, we recently just learned Brett’s real motive and can see why he has been so motivated to come back to the league. He is afraid that his record for most interceptions thrown (336) is at risk. Payton Manning only needs 102 more interceptions to equal Brett’s impressive accomplishment. Payton only needs to throw an interception every game for the next 6 seasons. Favre is “not going to leave it up to chance”. With the improved catching ability of safety’s and defensive backs, Brett calculates that he would only need to play a handful of games to ensure that the record never be beaten. If that’s not enough motivation for him, he has also been equally motivated to keep the records for most times sacked and most fumbles.
It is unclear where he will go with so many teams having shown interest. Favre has a history of being loyal to franchises, so it seems like the Detroit Lions and the Chicago Bears have the best shot at landing him.
* Disclaimer: This story is satire.
Satire (noun): the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.