“Ultimate Selfie Enhancement”: Student to Receive Finger Extension Surgery


“I just can’t fit all my besties in the same picture” said a Bucknell student one morning, “I can’t stand my horrible selfie range.” The 20-year-old Bison, who asked to remain anonymous, has since decided to undergo an extremely dangerous operation that will add 6 inches to every finger on both hands. Over the last few years, only a few other students have gone under the knife for this incredibly painful  procedure. Unfortunately, far less have emerged still able to snap a photo. “I can’t even open the camera app anymore,” claimed one patient as she sobbed into her massive hands. Another student was forced to switch to a much wider Samsung phone to accommodate his elongated fingers, “its just not the same,” he admitted, “switching the contacts from my iPhone took me two years.” Psychologists at Stanford University have been trying to uncover the motives behind this behavior for years. Recent studies have indicated that Instagram “likes” are the most “likely” cause.

For reasons still unknown, young adults have begun to treat these virtual acknowledgements as a measurement of their societal value. “We don’t quite know why these students need to achieve Ultimate Selfie Enhancement (USE), but are determined to uncover the truth,” stated one doctor in a press conference last week. When we asked the Bucknell student why such an enormous risk was necessary, we were told that normal-sized fingers just can’t get it done anymore. “If I don’t go through with this operation, what will my followers do? I’m doing it for them. They are my everything.” We have our normal-sized fingers crossed for this student’s speedy and successful recovery.

 

**the above post is meant to mimic the satirical tone of The Onion**

Featured Image: Huffington Post

Video: Youtube

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7 thoughts on ““Ultimate Selfie Enhancement”: Student to Receive Finger Extension Surgery”

  1. Very clever and well written piece. While I’m not sure I could see people getting finger extensions any time soon, there are definitely bloggers, celebrities, and entertainers who go to extremes for attention and for the sake of their fans.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. People magazine posted an article in regards to the increase in plastic surgeries for the purpose of developing a better appearance for social media (http://www.people.com/article/selfies-plastic-surgery). In this article, Doctor Marc Mani states, “I have noticed more people becoming obsessed with the way they look in their selfies.” Surgeons have seen more and more people ask for surgeries in order to change their appearance. What do you think about this? Do you think “selfies” caused our generation to become more self conscious of their image? (I sure do)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with you that I think not just “selfies” but all of social media has made people more self-conscious of their image. People are concerned about how many instragram followers/likes they get or how they look in Facebook. I think the problem extends beyond just selfies. I also wanted to bring up girls devoting their life to instagram/snapchat as what seems to be a new profession (new type of modeling?). These girls seem to be at the beach every other week and their life (work?) seems to be just them taking pictures and videos of themselves on social media..

      Like

  3. Your blog post was both hilarious and a cleverly written piece on how modern technology is imbedded in our lives. It made me realize how technology-dependant our generation has become and how obsessive Millennials have become with social media. It concerns for future generations dependency on certain technologies, such a Googlemaps. When teenagers have no sense of basic directions it can create safety issues. Do others feel this dependency will be a problem in the future?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am afraid to search to see if this is even real because maybe it is….

    I have seen people with these weird pole thingies so they can take longer range selfies.

    I remember the good old days, like around 1945-2005, when, while travelling, you would ask a person to take a picture of you. Was it awkward? Sure. Did it lead to tiny moments of trusting people from other societies and cultures? Yeah. Did a few cameras get stolen? I suppose its possible. But maybe tiny steps for greater global understanding was worth it.

    Like

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